The Programmer’s Prayer (Release 1.0)

30 October 2015

Our program which art in the mix
A-prompt be thy name

Thy OS come, Thy Command be done
At the printer as it is on the screen

Give us this day our daily datum
And forgive us our I/O errors
As we forgive those who hack our code

Lead us not into syntax errors
And deliver us from bad compiles

For thine is the application
The structure and the algorithm
Looping forever and ever

[Return]

-Merlin-

 


Microsoft Windows

22 October 2015

Microsoft Windows is a piece of shit.  Was, is, and always shall be.

Some months back, one of Microsoft’s interminable automatic updates had a bug (what else could one expect?) and destabilized a stable system.  Things started running slllloooowwww.  Then crash.  I was getting the Blue Screen of Death (BSD) thrice weekly.  One day, I got two BSDs inside an hour.

Then one morning, the damned Windows wouldn’t start.  Not even in Safe mode.  So I got out my Windows distribution CD and began the re-installation process.  That was Monday morning.  This is Thursday noon.

For security, I use Microsoft’s wretched Securities Essentials.  How many times over the last three days have I tried to get it installed?  Six, maybe seven.  Oh, it worked once but then I got some automatic Windows updates, one of which stepped on Essentials and I was stuck in Installation Hell.  I even de-installed it twice.  Well it’s working now, as is Windows.

Wishing to let sleeping dogs lie, I went into the security settings and turned off the automatic updates.  On doing so, Windows told me I had 128 updates waiting to go!  Well, you’d better believe I DSed those sons-of-bitches.

Oh, and when I tried, for the second time, to install Jo’s website creator, it worked one time but then Windows crashed twice more and the installed program disappeared from the menu.  So I went back to the external hard drive where I’d stored the exe and was told the exe was corrupt.  I’ failed to turn the external drive off and Windows had somehow gotten into the drive and wrecked the exe.  Fortunately, I had the exe on another computer so I piped it onto a thumb drive, brought it over and got a clean install.

Jo and I are starting a MacIntosh fund.  After we’ve saved enough pennies, I’ll store this computer in the garage and head for the closest Apple store.  Enough is enough.

-Merlin-

 


A Dilemma

21 October 2015

Do you like dilemmas?  Yes?  Well here’s one for you: Pick either A or B.

A: You will live but three years more and your death will be painless.  In the meantime, you’ll have money without limit.

B: You’ll live at least those three years, but beyond that, the date of your death is unknown and unpredictable.  During this time you’ll be in perfect, robust health and when death comes, it will be painless.  However, you’ll be stony-assed broke the whole time.

Think carefully.

-Merlin-